"You look exotic": What does it really mean?

This blog is the first (technically second) of a series where I will be discussing my mixed heritage experiences through things that have been said to me, and why they are wrong. 

I first wrote about my experiences with being told "you're not really Chinese then, are you" by a member of my polo club, unknowingly setting in motion my entire race equity activism. I received a lot of feedback from that blog from individuals who related to it, connecting to a shared experience. 

From that, I want to start a series of blogs that discuss particular racial microaggressions that on the surface, might seem okay, but in these deep dives will uncover the racist undertones. 

So, lets start here.

I went on a date a few years ago, nice man, seemed kind, no issues. Then, rather than asking about my heritage, he simply stated, "you look so exotic". 

At first, I took this as a compliment. I thought, oh hes saying it in a nice way, he must mean it in a good way, surely? Safe to say I no longer take it as a compliment, but an example of how racial microaggressions disguise themselves in everyday discourse. 

When you google the term 'exotic' it first comes up with the description:

"originating in or characteristic of a distant foreign country" 

It starts to not make any sense. 

Well, I was born in this country... I am not what would be considered 'foreign', and I am not something that has been imported like an exotic fruit or piece of clothing? 

It gives connotations of being a commodity, fetishisising and 'othering' my body just because it is not the same skin tone or facial alignment as your usual company. 

In the paper Table setting as a medium: lived curriculum and mixed-race identity (Wilson, 2020), she talks about a student who created an art piece depicting her experiences of mixedness, using an ice cream label to make a humorous reference to this commodification of mixed heritage bodies. 

In the image we see the depiction of 'aesthetic facts', using a humorous reference to nutritional labels to reveal beauty biases tied to a history of miscegenation. The student who made this wanted us to reflect on the commodification and the complexities of her mixed-race experience, showing how it can become an uncomfortable topic for some, but humour is a way some mixed heritage individuals get around this. 

When you tell me I look 'exotic' I hear these things:

1. You are sexualizing my racial identity. Am I 'exotic' because I am Chinese? Are you seeing me as the stereotype of the 'submissive orient' who will serve your every whim? Are you telling me that because I am not white, it is 'different', 'exciting', perhaps 'rebellious' because I am only a little bit 'foreign looking'? 
2. You assume I was not born in this country. Just for context, I was born in Leeds. By referring to me as exotic, you are assuming I do not belong. It is another form of othering, of placing boundaries between my mixed heritage body and yours. 
3. You are not interested in my racial heritage at all. If someone ever calls me exotic, let alone starts a conversation with it, it tells me that you are just seeing something 'different' and not actually interested in engaging with me as a whole person. 
4. It implies there is a 'normal' standard of beauty: White. By calling me 'exotic' and othering my body, you are also referring to the fact it is not the 'normal' beauty standard of white women you are used to. Much like telling me you prefer blonds with blue eyes, that means white women. 

Now, I am more than aware that this man was making a stupid and ignorant attempt to compliment me, but friends, there are other words in the English language to describe beauty that does not also refer to tropical fruits or animals. 

But I have also had a man treat me like a Pokemon, who's gotta catch em' all. He approached me in the gym and asked for my number, don't ask me why I actually gave it to him. I met up with him the next day and he tells me that hes "never had a Chinese woman before". No. I am not some trophy for you to win and parade around. You do not 'have' me. You are just racist. 

This plays off the idea of 'exoticism' in a different way. He was complimenting himself for having all the different 'types' of women, further treating them as objects rather than people. 

When we critically engage with this discourse from a racialised lens, we start to see the lack of sense associated with these words. We have become so used to saying them like they are a good thing when, you really think about it, they are out-right stupid. 

My racial ambiguity is not there for you to fantasize over, and certainly not there for you to call 'exotic'.

I know my identity and I am proud of it, and wouldn't change it for the world.