I have been feeling so inspired recently, so I am writing in a way that brings me joy. I am feeling grateful, so I am writing in a way that appreciates those around me. I feel a new rush of motivation, so I am writing to hopefully pass that feeling onto at least one person. Inspiration comes and goes, but passion stays forever.
What keeps people going?
This is a question I first started answering for my PhD research 'career trajectories of racialised minority staff and alumni in UK higher education', questioning what enablers and barriers are present in the higher education environment.
I then started to explore this question in my own life, in my own activist work: Why am I here? Why do people do this work? Its so difficult... so whats the point?
Stats
Statistically, it is very unlikely I can become a successful academic. Looking at HESA data for myself, out of 21,920 UK Female research and teaching staff in full-time employment, only 2.3% are 'Mixed'.
And let me reiterate, that is JUST for female research and teaching staff on full-time contracts, and it is either slightly or significantly less for every other ethnic group.
I could very easily take my two degrees and all my transferable skills into the job market, make more money, and probably be a lot less stressed.
But I don't.
It would not fill the need in my heart to dedicate my life to a cause. It would not serve the pressing need to create a better space for those who will come after me. It would not be fulfilling to let the colonial, capitalist environment win.
In academic activism we use a lot of militant terms like 'fight', 'army'. 'win' and 'lose'. That is because it feels like an uphill battle at the best of times.
This why we need networks.
You cannot do this alone. End of.
I describe myself as a very lucky person at the best of times. I am lucky because of the people I have around me. I could not do this without them. Every action I make, every success I get, is a love letter to them.
For example, I would not be on the PhD I am right now without these networks. I remember feeling like I was never going to find the right PhD topic, nor did I think I would get paid for it. Not until my most trusted mentor sent me the advertisement for the PhD I have right now.
She did not need to do that. She took time out of her day to send a student her dream PhD, a student she had never met a day in her life, a student who had done nothing for her. But that's what people in this field do. They help, because they know how much you need it.
And that turns into those students wanting to do the same for others, as they know how much effect small actions like sending a PhD advertisement can do for someones life.
My luck continued as I was introduced to my Centre of Doctoral Training (CDT). My home away from home.
These women, oh these women. I cannot express with words how inspirational, empowering, insightful and strong these women are. There are 6 of us, but with the power of oceans.
One of the most beautiful things about race equity work in higher education is that very few people do it for themselves. The ones who understand the work the best, know that they will never reap the true benefits of the work they do - they set it up for others.
I asked the women on my CDT what keeps them going, what inspires them to continue the difficult and significant work they do in race equity work every single day.
Here is what they said:
"what inspires me is my community and my younger self... the BAME girl child who may want to consider the creative industry but due to cultural expectations, may feel apprehensive...now I want to redefine that you can be creative and wealthy".
"What keeps me going is knowing what I'm doing will have an impact in a small or big way on anti-racist practice, gender, and racial equity. I am also driven by the need for a different and more inclusive world for our younger generation. Especially individuals like my beautiful brown skin daughter" - Naomi Alormele
"I worked as a youth volunteer for Muslim girls so I am attached to my community and want to create an impact for them because I've seen it in those spaces" - Iman Khan
These women inspire me every single day, and without them, I would not be where I am. So I thank you.
My most recent inspiration came from the first Freedom School being held at my institution.
What is a Freedom School?
The name ‘Freedom School’ refers to the US-based Freedom schools which became part of the civil rights movement in America. It was designed to support researchers (PhD/postgrad students and staff) to experience an inclusive learning environment and to develop inclusive and impactful approaches to research and work in higher education.
This was a space where decolonial methods and anti-racist learning was at the centre. Where my work was valued and where networking could be done well. The project focused not just on pedagogical aims of information learning, but also on an ethics of care and inclusion.
Our panel was not a tokenistic representation of what the institution THINKS is inclusive. It valued the knowledge and talent our diverse panel brought.
My experience with the Freedom School was not only educational, but almost spiritual. I felt comfortable, calm, myself. This is how it feels to be safe. Truly safe. I realised in that moment I had never felt that way in an academic environment. Maybe all these years I wasn't a shy child - I just was not feeling I could be my authentic self. Maybe I was not a clueless student, but rather calmness and comfort was not a priority of the classroom. I will never know, but it's interesting to think about, isn't it?
I commonly hear equity-activism be described as 'addictive' (I myself have said this a few times), but I would now describe it as something else. I would describe it as truly feeling human.
It can be confusing
Are there selfish elements? Of course. I get paid for my PhD, I get paid for my activism work. This isn't charity, this is a job. This is valuable work that, in capitalism's eyes, has a price tag. It comes with awards, it comes with collaborations, it comes with a career.
I recently won an award (small flex moment) as the Equity, Diversity and Inclusion 'Champion' - I put the term 'Champion' in apostrophes as I do not agree with this wording myself. The idea that one person can 'champion' EDI needs for the entire PhD cohort feels wrong.
Will I still accept the award? Absolutely. But something never feels right when I do accept EDI awards.
I have won them before, but this time felt different. I almost felt like I was taking something away from the community that helped me achieve it. There are so many individuals who deserved it more than I and were not even nominated.
It's confusing because, in order to play the 'academic' game, you need to win these. Journal articles, external grant rewards, awards for your work... this is the only way to show the university "listen to me, I know what I am on about" rather than the work itself. I accept these awards for some personal benefit yes, does not mean it feels right,
So yeah, in many ways it is selfish, but its also important to understand that EDI work DESERVES rewards.
You deserve payment, you deserve value, you deserve basic human rights.
These rewards are nice don't get me wrong, but what feels better is seeing a cohort of students creating community around anti-racist learning in the Freedom School, what feels better is having conversations with the women on the CDT and working together to enact change, what feels better is feeling valued by those around me, and valuing them.
So I ask again, what keeps people going?
Colonialism, capitalism, whiteness - they want you to stop. They want to burn you out. They want you to stop challenging them, they want you to stop winning.
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